I'm laying in your front yard are you home
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
