I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
