Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize