this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
