at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
