dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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