So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You need Xanax blowdarts
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
this is an emotional support booty call
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
