that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
