Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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