i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
