someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
