Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
