when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize