then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
