He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
