oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
