susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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