Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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