Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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