So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
