I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
