It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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