This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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