Your mouth is God's brothel.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize