so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
