I just threw up on my dentist
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
