We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
