Me. At least after what I've been through.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize