maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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