He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize