I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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