so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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