I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
