Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
