and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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