Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
