I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize