A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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