it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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