mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
