Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
