I faked an abortion last night.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
