My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
