I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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