he told me I talked like a deaf person
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
