That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
