I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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