you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
