my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Randomize
