She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Success! We fucked roommates!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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