Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish you could order shots online.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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