Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
