I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
