I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize