Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
