woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
