My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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