They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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