"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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