So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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