Tell her she can't have a vagina
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
