So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize