So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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