4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
