i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I understand Curling. That high.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
