Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
