I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize