You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My feet surprised me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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