i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize