Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
