So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
