All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am midnight drunk by noon
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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