Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
