No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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