Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
