i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize