FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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