Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
