your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
