I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
