I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
