my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
