Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
