Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
