Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
