I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
