I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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