the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
