For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize