I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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