Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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