I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
