You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
even my farts smell like vagina
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
