What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize