It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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