I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
