Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
