did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
