i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
