So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
