Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i out mim tonsoeep
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