I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
