so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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