I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
