You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
