Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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