Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My vagina is officially offended.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize