You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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